objective

as life goes  i am still the same, waiting for miracle that will change everything. i am living in a place but i wish to run from it . it is very ironic that this place is heaven but trapped in my mind. how long will i keep on living in my mind. how far will i go to reach happiness . and why love is the key for happiness. and why love is the hardest of them all? who i am ? what do i want? why i am even alive? those questions what kills me slowly .i need someone comes and answer all of this and why i am waiting for this someone and specially a male . i have myself and i think this is enough . i am good enough to live the life i want , yes i am. i hope that this answer satisfied me but i guess not. lack of warmth and security what brings me down .i think i had enough of pain and loneliness and need to move to another life or another me . without passion for living , living will be objective , so why are you still alive ?. i am living in world turning to grey slowly . i will wait my happiness gonna knock me out one day but please be fast . what will i am gonna do with this world . i think i will turn it to a comic magazine and start living that this isn't real anymore  . do you know what life sucks when you living it alone. dont cry about it because you are on your own in this fuckin real world. this is  not fun anymore .

Senior

Waking up every morning as a normal days in school but suddenly I became in high school . This cant be my last year here .I have been here long enough I cant leave this is where I belong .I am girl belong somewhere beside my friends . My school wasnt my second home ,but my first.  I learned to love ,hate and grow here .the feeling that finally this is the end is scary I dont know will it be fine ,where this was my gold years .humans are always scared of what they cant see. The future couldnt be predictable but I hope for the best. And I feel the best is yet to come. Experiencing new stuff ,new life ,and new you is exciting. And going to college and doing what you love and everyone treating you as a grown woman is pretty amazing. Will this expectations will be right what if this imagation didnt happen ,I will be in completely miserable. What if what I chose to enter in college os wrong or thats wasnt good enough or I am not good enough for it. No I know I am an artist , I am a good know ,and I will never regret it .but will happen for the love of writing will it disappear by time or will it grow. The fear of failure will hunt me all my life .maybe I am not good in school but I am a better artist than student . I have view and imagination as big as the galaxy . No fear will destroy me ; it will make me stronger . But the question of which is better stepping back or forward ?.the usual teenage conflict.

when love change

Waking up every day with no knowledge what will happen today. Maybe I am kind of person who is very rare. Why I feel that I am the only person who is searching for love or even believes in it. People think you don’t love or there is nothing called the one. Having a long relationship is about being used to someone and accepting everything about him or her. Or you can just fall in love with moment not with person that was in that moment. Love is convincing yourself that the person you see is the person you want; the person you see fulfills your needs and wants. but what happen if your needs and wants changed, will this love will end? If you need your love to continue in time so when things change you have to change with it or you will lose everything you have or even got . yes I know its complicate , but why in my eyes its simple . Just love someone and live the life you ever wished for. Although is fairytale never happened. So no one can trust marriage because you always think that marriage is the ending but actually it’s the beginning of the change and how you will live with it

Who’s talking, the girl who never falls in love but I always daydreamed about the day I will fall in love. I always thought that the key for happiness is love but actually it will end eventually. Telling me that love will go its only matter of time as if you are telling a child Santa isn’t real. I am different; love with me will be different right?? . From where I getting this faith as if that person is standing next to me. I am not a strong person but I can survive and my weapon is love. I am starting to lose hope on love in a relationship but what about any other kind of love. Will end soon too. is all what happening around me is fake  or wasteful , that the question I will ask myself every time I look at someone I think I love .

why i want to be a applied arts student ?

I start doodling before even writing. I chose my path long time ago, but which art path will I choose? Fine arts or applied arts? No I am not a fine arts student, just painting or drawing the perfect piece isn’t good enough for me. I don’t copy, I create. I am a designer and a successful one because this is who I am, this is what I am born to do, what I love to do.

A creative career is often seen as a dream job, but this isn’t a dream, this is my life, this is my destiny. Designing gives me the freedom of creating new idea “the sky is the limit”. I love the fact design never meant to be understood but it is still loved and behind every design there is a story. The best part that you create the invisible to visible. My target is to leave a mark and never be forgotten

summerfling

Summer was like any summer switching the day trying to have fun as much as you want because you know when summer ends boredom, sadness, pain and loneliness takes over. I asked myself how come I calculated happiness. Happiness isn’t logic, it’s a feeling touches and flutter your heart. So I felt wasn’t happiness ; it was just acting or trying to convince myself that I am satisfied with what I am doing with my life now. Waking up like any usual day at 2 pm as lazy as it gets. I knew nothing new will happen just our tradition boring summer going to the beach then eating then at night going out till the sun comes up then go home .what an amazing summer do you feel it uhhhh gorgeous days. Do you know what I will prove you how gorgeous it was … the only problem I cant remember anything , not because I was drunk don’t think wrong.. just because nothing happen actually nothing exciting I mean . but actually something did happen … heyy just a small thing don’t get excited. I met him , of course you are asking your self whose him. He is short guy that talk with no calculation with no regret . come on  he is a guy one of my friend knew . one day in my boring summer me and two of my friends where sitting in a place where we were expected to be sitting . I was just watching people  and trying to imagine how there life going? I was staring actually and I know it will be really weird if I got caught . then suddenly a short guy pushed a chair and sat beside me  but I didn’t recognize because I was in my world talking to my mind and staring at people , then said in a burly voice hi . I was like huhh what , he said again but in a really loud voice “I said hiiii” in a cute charmy smile with our eyes matching each other as if we knew eachother long time ago . I opened my mouth to let the word come out but they were staked in my mind in a place called overthinking what shall I do know ? I just got caught by love . so after 1 minute of staring at him with an open month I replied with a shame hi. He introduced him self as an amazing life style prince, ohh sorry a short princes actually ,in amazing collage  , an amazing personality and an amazing charm. This day I laughed as if I going to laugh forever with him as if I knew him from somewhere that our destiny create. I suddenly I stopped ..and looked at him very closely as if I am going to x ray him with my eye , will this be my future ? will this brings me happiness and finally make me love for the first time . i said to myself lets take it as a summer fling when the feeling change so title change .we are surrounded my titles whom defines as , whom creates our life and whom makes who we are. I think title is overrated to make  a stupid word controls you doesn’t make it an obligation ,it makes you weaker and useless to control which path will you chose . Unknown title makes people curious and wonder that makes them think that makes you in their mind, it’s a way of attraction. Mystery in one of the things that attract humans . Because it is exciting to live in a life you don’t know what it will bring a tomorrow. When you leave a sentence about your life in complete makes people stay till you finish it. Like shahrazad made I think she is genius reading someone a story every night but without complete it .curiosity weaker him and made him under the spell of the reader. Back to the short prince , don’t tell me you forget about him . texting and midnight calls fluttered my heart and made close my eyes and wish it will continue . going every where I go like a lost puppy made me felt like for the first time I am loved. In the Morning I said I need to pause for  moment and see what am I doing ? After a long day of private lessons of annoying useless SAT , sitting with my friends i. in our usual place staring and the door wish nothing to happen to change the boring life that I am living . Suddenly a saw a shot guy with his charm smile enter, I thought I was daydreaming for a moment and I told myself I must gone crazy. Then I saw him getting closer till I felt his hand touch mine. I pause with a shock look with no word. At this moment he said why didn’t you call, where were you all day long?  In my mind I replied trying to avoid you because I think I am falling for you. He grabbed my hand so tight I felt that he will never let go. He took me outside with a worried look on his face and touching my face so gently as if he was so scared I will break in this hand as a fragile flower. Then he whispered in my ears I like you I really do. I closed my eyes at this moment with a tiny smile on my face as if I was waiting for this for long time.  But behind every smile of him I see a story. I get scared and I felt I got carried away by him. I need to pause and rethink this but wait a minute I was think what thinking made me. A girl who cant love. I need stop , I need to stop now and talk a step closer not farther . I knew this day I have changed I gave up on my mind  I start believe in my heart .  I filled my heart with courage and I laugh and I said let do it. Love swapped our feet and made us fly higher than I accepted. The real question that scares me the most is “until when ?” because just like seasons , people change and so do feelings. Is love is mistaken for something else , I hope not. Things where unforgettable for few weeks but I knew nothing last forever things changed , he changed . people don’t change, they became more of who they are. i was not what he want or even need . he just need a summer fling. And the title chose my path this time. The hardest time was I must to let go not because I want to but because I have to. I am scared maybe my wounds change me to an evil person who’s heart filled with hatred, who knows ? , time healed thing but not everything . I  accepted the fact the word he said “that we can be good friends” but in my mind I screamed “FRIENDS , are crazy “ . I am a young woman that can control her life and doesn’t need a man to feel like one. It okay to be friends . actually we really did started to be friends ,I misses him and he misses me . everything became normal but the only thing that didn’t became normal my heart it broke a little more than what it normally was.